#829
<The group stops running...
Date: 10/21/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...to take a breather. Lita sees Tork and Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow hanging out outside MSTBlanca.>
Lita: Hey, what's Tork doing with my ceramic cow?
Rimmer: He's not your cow anymore, Lita. He has a soul now.
Lita: That *is* my cow, I bought it for a quarter at a garage sale!
Rimmer: But now that it is possessed by a human soul, he has rights that supercede--
<Just then, Lita sees that Tork is approaching the robot, which (since there's no music to make it move) is just sitting there, doing nothing.>
Lita: Hey! Don't touch that thing!!! It's PM's!
Tork: So?
Cow: Yeah, shut your moooouth!!!
<Tork says something to the cow then, but Lita doesn't catch it. She's too busy muttering.>
Lita: Fine. Don't listen. Get your little peanut heads all melted. See if I care. Just trying to be nice, and besides… heeeyyy.... We've been running for a long time. What are we doing back here?
<Everybody looks around. Yep. They're still standing right outside MSTBlanca.>
Lita: We ran in a great big circle, didn't we?
Rimmer: Looks like.
Lita: How did that happen? Who's the navigator in this group?
EM: I was following you, Lita. I figured you'd nag at me if I didn't.
Lita: Well, I was following Rimmer. She seemed to know where she was going.
Rimmer: I was following Cave Rimmer. I figured since spent all that time in the wilderness, she'd know how to get away from danger.
Cave Rimmer: I was tracking the giant pink rabbit. An animal his size could feed us for a long time. And his pelt can make many cute outfits.
Mickey: Eep!
Lita: Let me guess, Mickey. You were following Evil Mike? He's the only one left.
Mickey: Actually, I was kind of hungry for soup.
EM: That's it. Go ahead and club him, Dino-Chick.
Cave Rimmer: Hold still, bunny rabbit.
Mickey: Hey, stop! I'm not really a rabbit! I'm a person in a rabbit costume!
Cave Rimmer: That's what they all say!
Lita: Don't club Mickey. Or if you do, at least don't club him very hard. We need to find out where we're headed.
Mickey: Hey, let's go to MSTHauntedHouse! I bet they have soup!
Rimmer: No. I'm sick of haunted places.
Mickey: Wait! I just remembered! I have a map!
<Mickey pulls a map out of his pocket, because he has pockets, being a guy in a rabbit costume and all.>
Mickey: Look, this part here is labeled MSTBlanca, so that must be where we are.
Rimmer: MSTBlanca is on the map? How'd PM swing that?
Lita: That shouldn't even be possible. MSTBlanca moves around, remember?
Mickey: Well look! It's right here! Right next to MSTGardens, in the great state of New Hampshire!
Lita: That's not New Hampshire! That's New Mexico!
EM: Learn to read, it's New Guinea.
Rimmer: Now, I know we're not in New Guinea.
Lita: Where is New Guinea?
Mickey: I don't know, but apparently if we walk a little ways north, we'll hit your house, Lita.
Lita: My house is on there?
Mickey: Look.
<Mickey poins at a spot labeled "Carmalitas howse in Calafornya.">
Lita: Now that's pretty interesting. How long has California been just north of New Hampshire?
Rimmer: It's not. It's just north of New Guinea.
EM: Hey, look. There's the USSR. How old is this map, Mickey?
Mickey: I just bought it!
<Lita looks at the back of the map, and then poins at the label.>
Lita: Well, here's your problem. You bought this map from the Delta Knights! They know nothing about geography!
Mickey: They were having a fundraiser. T said he needed the money.
Lita: You bought it from T? Everybody knows he draws the crappiest maps known to man!
EM: He taught himself to read. No wonder the spelling on here is so bad.
Rimmer: Hey, check this out!
<Rimmer poins at a big circle on the map. It's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and it's labeled "Yurop.">
Lita: Yeah, the kid can't spell Europe. No need to rub it in.
Rimmer: No, look!
<Right in the middle of the circle labeled Yurop, is a red X labeled "Delta Nite Sekrit Hideowt. Shhhh!!!">
Rimmer: Let's go there! The Delta knights are good guys, right? They'd probably feel compelled to help us stop an evil madman like Pharaoh Phlatulence.
Lita: Great idea!
<Lita waves at Tork and Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow>
Lita: Hey, guys! We're gonna go see the Delta Knights! Wanna come along?
Cow: We have better things to do than hang around with you mooooorons!
Lita: Ok! Fine! Be a couple of jerks!
<Tork starts talking to the cow again. Lita doesn't notice, because she's looking at the map>
Lita: All right, according to this, the Delta Knights hideout is in France! So we'll just go to France and then--
Mickey: You must be looking at that wrong. That's Italy you're looking at.
EM: No, you're both idiots. It's England.
Rimmer: No, it's Spain. Let's go.
<Several heated arguments, horrible map induced papercuts, and about five minutes of walking later, the group gets to the Delta Knight's hideout. Boy, they can really find a place when they put their minds to it!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
in her princess dress, is the only member of this group
who comes close to fitting the Delta Knights medieval dress-code
#830
The new reply format...
Date: 10/21/2001
From: h_wood
is also wreaking havoc with the "Start a sentence in the title, and finish it in the body" gag. Damn- I really liked that one.
Hey y'all,
Sorry I haven't been helping out much with the response record lately, but I've discovered that role playing is not one of my talents. I'll keep checking back though, just to see what's going on. Anyway, have fun kids, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. B^)
h_wood
"Oh! You're a Delta Knight Too!"
Crow, Quest of Ye Olde Delta Knights
#831
I know, h wood!! You're....
Date: 10/21/2001
From: Deadschmoe
absoutely right!
That's my favorite bit too!! It's supposed to be a surprise, damnit!! HMMPH!! The new reply format is Fredo to me!! Add that to the growing list!! Stupid sentences!! No spoilers!!! HMMPH!!
fw!!
no socks
#832
You guys still going at it?
Date: 10/22/2001
From: IWasATeenageWurwolf
.........................................................
This is my way of getting around the spoiler. It pisses me off more than you could know that the first sentence of my reply is revealed, so that's why I'm doing the .... thing. Stupid Sci-Fi! HMMPH!
Anyway. Carry on. :o)
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#833
Wurwolf, I hope you don't mind that
Date: 10/23/2001
From: h_wood
I've been stealing the dots idea. Good call, BTW!
h_wood
"Tell_them_I'm_smoking."
The Crawling Hand
#834
You can't steal the dots idea, wood.
Date: 10/23/2001
From: Carmelita9000
..................................
*I* want to steal the dots idea! It should help with my n/t problem too! Now I can hide text in my n/t replies again if I feel like it! Yay!
Lita
PS to wurwolf: Yeah we're still playing! (sort of) You're just jealous because we're all out here having fun and adventures, and you're stuck at home crocheting doilies! Ha ha! <Lita tangles up all of wulfie's yarn>
#835
[PM is trying to clean up MSTBlanca...]
Date: 10/23/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<stealth mode>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
[PM] Cool; that oughtta stop that stuipd post preview thing...
[PM goes back to recalibrating the Gumby clay. Nabut is placing small metal boxes with flashing lights at even intervals around the room, while Sam, Buffalo, and Nick are sitting around, knocking back a few cold ones, and listening to "Black Bugs" by Regurgitator.]
[PM] Uh, little help, guys? I don't pay you to sit around and drink.
[Sam] Actually, you don't pay us anything, Big Daddy!
[Buffalo] Yeah that's rahght, man. 'Sides, it's tahme for our break.
[PM] Okay, let me rephrase that, then: I don't spare your *miserable, insect lives* for you to sit around and drink!
[Sam and Buffalo quickly hop to their feet.] Working, boss!!! [They go back to putting furniture back upright and cleaning.]
[PM] What about you, Nick? What am I sparing *your* miserable, insect life for?
[Nick] I'm filling in for Rick while he goes to lunch. He's bringing me back some General Tso's!
[PM] He went for Chinese and didn't tell me! That sneaky little... well, no matter. I'll just have to give Rick a little "surprise" when he gets back!
[Sam, Buffalo, and Nick shudder involuntarily.]
[Nabut] My liege, you wouldn't...
[PM] Wouldn't I? You don't think I had capacitors sewn into his suit for nothing, do you? It's all part of-- [PM turns back to Nick.] Who *is* that you have playing on the sound system?
[Nick] Oh, they're an Australian band called Regurgitator. Some of the kids at Castleton turned me on to them. They're kind of crude, but this album has a real 80's sound to it that reminds me of my college days!
[PM] Well, yeah, the music's catchy enough. But the lyrics are stupid! "What's at the end, what's at the end, what's at the end of Satan's rainbow?"
[Nick] I thought he was saying "What's at the end, this ain't a dream, no!"
[PM] But that doesn't even make sense! The way I hear it is stupid enough, but *your* way is both stupid and nonsensical!
[Nick] Well sor-RY!
[PM] Arrrgh! And now it's stuck in my head!
[As if on cue, the 13 Other Ghosts start humming the tune to get it even more stuck in PM's head.]
[PM] DAMMIT!!! [PM pulls out his infamous remote control, aims it at Nick, and presses a button. Nick yelps and jumps from an electric shock!]
[Sam] I thought you said it was Rick's clothes you had the capacitors put into!
[PM] It is! I just never said that it was *only* Rick's clothes I did that to... [He points the remote at Sam and Buffalo. They go back to feverishly working on cleaning up the bar, and ignore Nick's occasional yelps of pain.]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
"Black Bugs" *is* a catchy tune...
Sarcophagus!
#836
HMMPH! on you, Carmelita!!
Date: 10/23/2001
From: Deadschmoe
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wurwolf was gonna use that yarn to knit me up some rad mittens!! Hmmph! Now, my little fingers are gonna be all cold and stuff! You big stinker!!
Brrrrrrr!!
fw!!
no socks
#837
< Lita walks up to Tork and the cow>
Date: 10/24/2001
From: pitchTork
No peeking at the response!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tork: ( to Cow ) See, I told you she likes me.
Lita: Tork, I like you.
Tork: See! She didn't I tell you likes me.
Cow: Which one?
Tork: Huh?
< Tork spots another Lita, who has appeared out of nowhere. >
Lita #2: Please excuse her. She lost her sanity in the war against ServoTheDictator.
Tork: What's going on?
Cow: Didn't you know? Carmelita9000 has as many clones as her name implies.
< Another Lita grabs the cow >
Lita #3: GIVE ME LITA'S COW BEFORE I TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT!!!!!111!!!1!!
< Lita #3 gives the cow to a fourth Lita. >
Lita #2: NO, not her!
< Lita #4 punts the cow high, so high that it leaves the state of Cali-hamp-land* >
Lita #2: You three take care of this guy. He's been annoying Lita.
< Litas #1, #3, #4 take Tork behind a bush and......NO , not that! They just beat the hell out of him. >
< MORE Lita clones show up! A couple of them steal flowers and eat the tomatoes from MSTGardens. A few make more chandeliers fall from the ceiling of MSTHauntedHouse. 13 Litas rush into MSTblanca and scare away the Other Thirteen Ghost. One of them poins her finger in PM's face. A second breaks a guitar over Buffalo Bill's head. Some of them regroup to throw eggs at Grandmapa's house. One of them ties up Dumbschmoe with werewolf's yarn. >
Lita #2: Do you think we made our poin?!
< The other Lita's stare at her, confused >
Lita #2: You know, about not annoying Lita, or calling her fat, or crocheting to loud!
Litas: ( in unison ) OH, that poin.
< they all disappear to wherever Lita keeps them. >
------------------------------------------------------------
< cut to the real Lita and company >
Mickey: So then, Tork was real scared, but all of sudden -for no good reason-, I wasn't.
Rimmer: We've heard it already.
Mickey: I just wanted to poin out that I'm not as afraid as that Big Fraidy Cat Tork is.
Lita: OKAY, FINE!
???: Moooooooooooooooooo-ouch
< a small cow falls from the sky and lands on Mickey's head, knocking him out >
Rimmer: Okay, which one of us just hit Mickey.
CaveRimmer: You mean it wasn't me.
EM: I felt like I did.
< And THAT'S how you end a post! >
The Uncontested Fraidy Cat
I hope that nurse is still around.
* I can't remember which state the MSTblanca is supposed to be in
#838
Look here first!!!
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Tork_110
"She didn't I tell you likes me." is supposed to be
"Didn't I tell you she likes me."
Now read the previous response
Stupid last minute changes!
#839
Where in the world is MSTBlanca?
Date: 10/24/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<<<Stealth Mode>>>>>
[PM] Oh, hello everyone! I'm taking the current lull in this little psychodrama (yes, it's 95% psycho, 5% drama) to answer a question that was asked by countless people--
[Nabut] Actually, it wasn't countless people, my liege.
[PM] Err, right. As I was saying, this question was weighing heavily on numerous people's--
[Nabut] Really, it wasn't that many. And it didn't seem that urgent, either.
[PM, getting ticked now.] O-KAY. A few people were mildly curious--
[Nabut] It was really just Tork who brought it up, if you want to be accurate about it...
[PM] ENOUGH!!! Okay, well, Tork wanted to know where MSTBlanca is located. So I'm going to spell it out, okay?
[Nabut] Works for me.
[PM] Very good. Now, it's well established that MSTBlanca can travel to anywhere in the continental United States.
[Sam] Can't it travel to any other countries?
[Buffalo] Yeah man, lahk it'd be real great if'n you could take us daown to Cain-koon to git some bikini chicks!
[PM] Well sure it can, it just costs more is all. Besides, there's a little bit of MSTBlanca in all the 50 United States.
[Sam] Well *there's* a syrupy platitude.
[Nabut] No really, he's being literal.
[PM] You're darn right I am! What with all the times it's been blown up...
[Nick] Oh, I get it! The multiplicity of physical manifestations of the bar enables it to travel through a sort of quantum duality process; i.e. you cause the bar to be observed as a quantum event in the location of your choice, and it ceases existing where it *was*, and begins to exist again where you want it to be!
[PM] Basically, yeah. That, and it changes location due to plot device.
[Nick] So you're saying that the critical quantum observation may occur *randomly*?!?
[PM] You could say that. God may not play dice with the universe, but he does with my bar.
[PM and Nick share a hearty laugh. Nabut chuckles for a moment, then stops with mild annoyance, while Sam and Buffalo just look confused.]
[Nabut] It wasn't *that* funny.
[Buffalo] I don't get it.
[Nabut] Trust me, you didn't miss much.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Sarcophagus!
#840
Aww... Poor widdle Schmoe!
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................
I messed up your cute widdle mittens!
Are your poor widdle fingers cold? Oh, I'm so sowwy. <Lita pouts at Schmoe, then dumps his books> Hey, the Good Lord gave you pockets, I suggest you use them! Blah!!!11!!1!1!!!1
Lita
Heartless Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
I'll post an rp response in a couple minutes. Just need to think of something...
#841
<Lita and co. are standing...
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Carmelita9000
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
...outside the Delta Knights Secret Hideout. Well, most of them are standing. Mickey is lying on the ground, while Evil Mike pokes him with a stick. The rest of them are arguing about who hit him, when…>
cow: Are you all brain-damoooaged? I hit himoo!
Lita: Hey! Archduke Funkypoodle! How have you been?
Cow: That's not moooy namoooooe! I hate you so mooouch!
Lita: That's great! Glad to hear it! Welcome back to the group! We were just about to check out this secret hideout here when you showed up!
<The Rimmers help Mickey off the ground, and the whole group heads toward the entrance. Lita knocks, and a long haired unshaven guy in a Ren-fest costume sticks his head out the door. It's Prince Jumpjugs!>
Jumpjugs: Password?
Rimmer: Password?! Oh for crying out loud!
Jumpjugs: We couldn't possibly let anybody in here who isn't a Delta Knight. If you are indeed Delta Knights, then you should know the password.
Lita: Uh, can I have a moment to confer with my associates here?
Jumpjugs: Sure! Take as much time as you need!
<Lita, Evil Mike, Rimmer, Cave Rimmer, Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the cow, and Mickey all get in a huddle. They discuss possible passwords for a few minutes while Prince Jumpjugs looks on benignly. Finally, Lita stands up.>
Lita: Ok. We're going to go with "Huzzah."
Jumpjugs: Nope! That's not it!
Evil Mike: How about "Ale?"
Jumpjugs: That's closer! But it's not it!
Rimmer: "Grog?"
Cave Rimmer: "Crossbow?"
Jumpjugs: No, no, no! I'll give you a hint, it's not one word. It's a phrase!
Lita: Oh! How about, "Pass me that flagon of mead, wench!"
Jumpjugs: Nope! Keep going!
Cow: "Mooove your ass out of the doorway, Kent?"
Jumpjugs: No!
<Several fruitless hours of guessing pass. Prince Jumpjugs just keeps smiling and shaking his head no. But our heroes don't stop guessing. They've got real sticktoitiveness!>
Lita: "The brown goose flies backwards on Wednesday."
Jumpjugs: Noooo....
Rimmer: "It sure is a nice day."
Jumpjugs: Nope! That was the old one! I want the new one!
Mickey: Come on! I'm sick of this! Look, I'm getting really hungry here. Can you guys just give me some soup or something?
Jumpjugs: That's it! You've got it! That's the password!
Lita: What, that whole thing?
Jumpjugs: Yes! But obviously you already knew that. Only true Delta Knights could know that password! Come in, come in!
<The group kind of shrugs, but enters the hideout. It's located in a cave, but on the inside it's kind of like a tavern. Lots of drinking and carousing. Not much soup. They all look around, and then...>
Lita: Rick!
Rick: Hi, guys!
Rimmer: I didn't know you were a Delta Knight!
Rick: What's a Delta Knight? I just came here and asked that guy over there if he could give me some egg-rolls or something, and he laughed at me and told me to come in.
Jumpjugs: Ah, yes! Last Monday's password did involve asking for egg-rolls!
Rick: I've been here for two days, and the waitresses still haven't brought me any egg-rolls! This is bad service! The boss would never allow this at MSTBlanca (well, maybe except when we're renovating).
Mickey: <to Prince Jumpjugs> Hey, can I get some soup?
Jumpjugs: Ha ha! That's funny, I see from your outfit you must the Court Jester for this princess here! And a talented one at that! Madam Princess, I don't wish to alarm you, but I believe your petticoats are ringing.
EM: Princess? I don't see any princess.
<Lita jabs Evil Mike in the ribs with her elbow, then answers her cell phone, as Prince Jumpjugs wanders off to do whatever it is he does.>
Lita: Yeah? Oh, hi Pharfamofafafooey! I didn't know you had this number! How are you doing?
Rick: Don't tell him I'm here!
Lita: What? Oh, that was just Rick.
Rick: D'oh!
Lita: Do you want to talk to him? Oh.
Rick: Oh no! Not another shock to the shammies!
<Rick falls out of his chair and starts twitching on the floor. Nobody pays much attention.>
Lita: Is that a fact? Well, no Pharahfulahdmahroh I didn't know about that. I can't keep track of all 9000 of my clones all the time. Did they do much damage to your bar? They did? Oh, that's good. Just as long as they're keeping up with the great cause.
<A young woman walks up to Lita, and pulls on her sleeve. She looks strangely like Lita and... Hey! Look who it is!>
Litaclone: Can I talk to him?
Lita9000: 6969! There you are! Are you a Delta Knight?
Lita6969: Nope. I'm a serving wench.
Rick: Can you bring me those egg-rolls?
Mickey: Or some soup perhaps?
Lita6969: It's not that kind of service, honey!
Mickey and Rick: *dissapointed* Ohh.... *with sudden realization* Ohh!!!
Lita6969: So, can I talk to him?
Lita9000: Sure, I'm done.
<Lita hands the phone to 6969>
Lita6969: Hi, Sugar! Yes I did get those flowers! *giggle*
<6969 continues talking to PM over the phone. Lita and the rest get back to the issue at hand.>
Lita: We need to convince these people that PM is their enemy. How do we do that?
EM: Why didn't you think about this sooner?
Rimmer: Prince Jumpjugs seems to think you're a real princess, Lita. I'm sure if we could convince all these chivalrous types that Phinky Muppet's distressing you, they'd help us.
Lita: He is distressing me! Look what he's doing to my clone!
<They look over at 6969, who is still talking to PM, and is *really* pouring it on.>
Lita: You know, if that's how she wants to live her life, then that's fine with me. But it's kind of embarrassing, you know? It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't look so much like me...
<Everybody at the table starts to laugh like idiots>
Lita: Shut up! You people are supposed to be sympathetic!
Rick: Sorry, Sweetheart. It's not you. We just thought of something funny.
Rimmer: Yeah. All at the same time.
Mickey: Yeah, you should have been there!
EM: Actually, I was laughing at you.
Cow: Moooe too.
Lita9000
Last I checked, MSTBlanca was in New Hampshire, right next to MSTGardens.
Not that it couldn't have moved since then.
#842
HOLD ON...
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
Wait for it, wait for it...NOW!!!
(Two guards come and pick up Mickey by the ears)
Mickey: Hold on, I'm not done yet. I was just about to make an offer to this clone.
Lita (9000, that is): MICKEY!!! I'm shocked at you. I thought you were a gentleman.
Mickey: Yeah, but if they do it for a living.
(everyone angrilly looks at Mickey)
Mickey: It was the same with the dancers at the MST Haunted House. They're just honest girls making their way through college. (poins at 6969) Except her. I don't know what her deal is. (realizes finally that he's currently being manhandled...those recent knocks on the noggin must've affected his brain) Would you mind please?
Guard 1: It's time.
Mickey: For my soup? Well, good. It's been days since my last bowl of showda.
Guard 2: For your performance, jester.
Mickey: Performance? Well, when in Rome, or France, or New Mexico, or Metaluna, or wherever the hell we are.
Lita (9000 again): Hey, Mickey. Come here a minute. Would you two be so kind?
(The guards release Mickey and he falls to the ground with a thud)
Mickey: Okay...(whispers) Now how are we supposed to do this? Do I...(Lita slaps Mickey)
Lita (still 9000): Not one word more, or you'll be wearing that bunny suit past Halloween.
Mickey: (embarrassed) LITA! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm losing track of all of you.
Lita (9000-accept no substitutes!): The princess thinks you're a Delta Knight because you knew the password. All you have to do is tell her about PM and we're good.
Mickey: I don't think that would be very jester-ish.
Lita: Well,do a little song and dance, first. A word of advice...skip the U2 songs.
Mickey: Alright, alright. I'm a lousy singer. I get the poin.
Guard 1: You ready?
Mickey: Yep, I'm all set. See everyone later. (the guards again pick up Mickey by the ears and drag him off to see the princess)
Lita (9000 yet again): (slaps 6969 across the face) That's for corrupting an innocent young mind.
(A man comes over to say hi to the visitors)
Man: Hi! My names Leo! I'm from Vinci!
(the group groans)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Do-gooder
2nd Biggest Fraidy Cat
Hopes he didn't miss this years pancake breakfast
I wouldn't be surprised if the MSTblanca moved again. You'd be amazed at how little there is to do in New Hampshire.
#843
Wow! Did I do that?
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Carmelita9000
********************************
Tee hee! I made the reply page all stretchy! Stupid Duhminion!
And Mickey? I think you're all confoozled. I'm the princess. Check the dress!
<Lita twirls around to show off the pretty princess costume she's been wearing since PM's costume party.>
I'm even wearing one of those pointy princess hat things.
EM: You mean it's not a witch hat?
<Lita punches Evil Mike on the arm.>
Lita9000: If you want to do a neat little jester routine for me to prove to these people that we are who they think you are, that's fine. Unless the princess you're talking about is the previously unmentioned Princess Athena, the hooker sister of Prince Jumpjugs.
Lita6969: She's taught me so much!
Lita9000: Was that who you meant Mickey?
Mickey: Er... I don't think I know anymore. Was she the one you were talking about in the last post.
Lita9000: No. That was me. Remember?
Mickey: I need a flow chart for this RP.
Lita9000: Just get out on the stage and juggle or something. We can figure out later how many princesses are watching.
Mickey: Can I juggle?
EM: What, don't you know?
Lita6969: I can juggle...
Lita9000: That's great. Give me my phone back. Mickey, just try. If it turns out you can't juggle... well... that might be more entertaining.
<The guards force Mickey onto the stage at swordpoin.>
Lita9000: *yells* And you better do a good job! Don't embarrass the court of Princess Carmelita9000
Princess Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
plans to ask Princess Athena where she gets her hair done...
if she's even here...
#844
I'm back- Lita broke the bboard!
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Rimferatu
<:8)))~~~
<Meanwhile, back at MSTBlanca Jessica and Aunt Chilbains (not clowns anymore) left MSTBlanca because the quiche there is just miserable! They were just too embarassed for PhartyMonkeybuns his bad quiche and left.>
<Oh, but before they left Jessica wished a tree would fall on MSTBlanca. One of those New Hampifornia RedWoods fell over and crushed the place to smithereens.>
<Back with Rim and the gang they were thinking of forming a band and calling it "Rim and the Gang" but first they had to finish their scene with Prince JumpJugs.>
Rim: Wait, timeout. I still want a costume. Lita got one and that's not fair. I want a costume or I won't continue!
Director: But Rimmi, baby, it won't make any sense in editing if you're suddenly wearing something else.
Rim: <crossing her arms> Then THAT is your problem. I want to dress like a biker babe- tight leather and maybe I could carry a whip....
Director: Rim, sweetheart, we can't do that. Not now-
Rim: Well then I walk.
CaveRimmer: <takes off Rimmer mask. She turns out to be a black women imported from New Zealand who was a stunt person on Xena.> Come on, mate. We don't have time for this. Give her what she wants or we'll never get out of here.
<groans of agreement from the rest of the cast.>
Director: Fine, fine, fine. ACTORS!
<Half an hour later Rimmi returns in a black leather carrying a whip.>
Rim: Okay. I feel like a natural woman now. Let's continue.
<back to whatever we were doing in the scene before this.>
<Oh, and while Rimmi is getting her way she demands we post like crazy so we can make it to Halloween with 10,000 replies! Come on. We can do it!>
#845
Oh thanks Rimmer!!
Date: 10/24/2001
From: pitchTork
#######################################################################
I was still near the MSTblanca when the tree fell.
<A rare nice Lita clone finally takes Tork to the hospital>
The Uncontest Fraidy Cat
Trying to see if I can screw up the post even more
#846
Wow! You're SuperLita!!
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Deadschmoe
!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just changed the course of human history. Erm...bboard replying history, at least.
Can you turn back time by flying around the Earth? Are you faster than a speeding bullet? Can you read my mind?
fw!!
no socks
#847
A few things here...
Date: 10/24/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
(whistles while he waits)
1. I was talking about Princess Athena. I just couldn't think of her name. Plus, in a previous out of post moment (just like the sombrero I gave Lita), Princess Athena's last jester quit. Sure, technically, she wasn't the Delta Knight's princess, she was the tree people's, but what, you're looking for continuity in THAT movie?
2. I CAN juggle! Why I'm that proud of it, I'll never know.
3. You know, I had a nice "nice guy" reputation around this Bboard, but with my last few replies, I've shot it all to Hell.
4. Rimmer? I don't think that particular outfit is appropriate. I just, no...I don't know what to say.
5. And we'll get to where we get by Halloween. Deal with it.
***on with the story***
(Mickey is wowing the crowd, as well as all the various princesses in the audience, with his juggling)
Princess Athena: He's quite good. Who did you say he was?
Evil Mike: I don't know, just some poor lost dog who followed us.
(Princess Lita 9000 elbows Evil Mike)
Lita 9000: That's Mickey the Gardener.
Princess Athena: Oh? What does he do?
Rimmer: He's the gardener.
Evil Mike: As previously implied (HA! I loved that one)
Princess Athena: Gardener, Gardener, why does that name sound so familliar? I'm going to go check something (leaves)
Rimmer: Oh no. You don't suppose Mickey's a Delta Knight, do you?
Lita 9000: No. They probably hired him to do some yard work, and he never showed up.
Evil Mike: Oh good. That means there'll probably be an ass kicking. I wished they did serve some soup here. Then there'd be dinner and a show.
Princess Athena (calling from her office. That's right, she has an office. Want to make something out of it?): Oh, Lita? Would you come here for a minute?
Lita 9000: OH NO. With Rimmer dressed like that, and Evil Mike right here. I'm not falling for that one. You can come over here.
Princess Athena (comes back to the table, knocking Leo out of the way, who for some reason is laying on the floor unconcious): You still having trouble with this PM guy?
Lita 9000: Why yes. How'd you know that?
Cave Rimmer: I called ahead.
(the group, excluding Mickey, who's still on stage and LOVING it, looks at each other in astonishment)
Lita 9000: Well, why didn't you ask for the password?
Cave Rimmer: I tried for hours, then I found out it was answering machine.
Princess Athena: Yeah, that was pretty strange. Not as strange as your friend up there, tough.
(at this poin, Mickey has abandoned juggling, and has started doing his infamous rendition of Beautiful Day)
Lita 9000: Oh crap.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
2nd Biggest Fraidy Cat
Born entertainer
#848
<h_wood> Actually, I thought MSTBlanca
Date: 10/24/2001
From: h_wood
************************************************************
was in Springfield. ;)
<Lita9000> h_wood? What are you doing here?
<Mickey> yeah, didn't you say you sucked at role playing?
<h_wood> well, I thought I'd sneak in and give it a shot!
<Lita9000> so you decided to step in to do a lame Simpsons joke? Ugh...
<h_wood> hey, what can I say? I saw an opportunity and decided to take it. Oh yeah- hey guys!
<Mickey> who are you talking to?
<h_wood> those guys back there. Oh wait, I forgot to mention- I _am_ a Delta Knight! <h_wood whips out his official Delta Knight membership card>
<Lita9000> Yep, it's legit- Sir h of wood, member of the Delta Knights since 1996. Member #183902838209.
<Mickey> hold on, that's a piece of electrical tape over the top there- h_wood! This is your Discover card!
<h_wood> whoops! <snags the card from Mickey> look at the time- gotta jet! <h_wood runs off into the woods leaving the others with puzzled looks on their faces>
Sir h of wood
"I'm Comeeeeeeng!!!"
QOTDK
BTW: That of course is not my real credit card.
#849
<Mickey is tap-dancing...
Date: 10/25/2001
From: Carmelita9000
woowoowoowoowoowoowoo!
…while singing his best rendition of U2's "Lemon." (He finished Beautiful Day hours ago.) Really, his current song wouldn't be so bad, except he's singing acappella, he barely knows the words, and he needs to work on his falsetto. Also, it's hard to tap-dance and sing at the same time. So, I guess I'm saying that despite Mickey's strong start, his performance has turned into a real mess.>
Mickey: She wore LEMON!!!
Anonymous Voice From the Audience: Boo!!!
Mickey: She… uh… (what was that next line?) Hey, Lita, little help?
<A tomato hits the wall behind Mickey.>
Mickey: <stops dancing> Now I really don't think that's necessary. If you don't like the act, just say so!
Anonymous Voice From the Audience: You SUCK Rabbit!!!
<There is a hail of tomatoes thrown at Mickey. He puts his hands on his hips and taps his foot impatiently on the stage.>
Mickey: Oh, honestly! Is this any way to behave? I'm already plenty pissed off, you know… (for… some… reason…) Anyway. I'm not going to sing any more until I get an apology.
Anonymous Voice From the Audience: Good! Get off the stage!!!
Mickey: I'm not going anywhere until I get a heartfelt apology!
<Just then, Mickey is hit in the head with a flying bottle of booze. He falls to the ground.>
Mickey: <in kind of a floaty, dazed voice> That's funny, I thought all the booze came in mugs and kegs here. Not bottles. I wonder who brought bottles…
<Mickey fades from consciousness, and a couple of Delta Knights pull him off the stage, and drag him back to the group table. Some time later, he comes to.>
Lita: Oh, you're awake.
Mickey: I'm sorry, Lita. I tried to do a good job so that we would be accepted and stuff, but I really died out there.
Lita: Oh, that's ok. Just as long as you learned your lesson.
Mickey: I wish that one person hadn't yelled at me. I think that really started everything downhill.
Lita: Yeah. Hecklers suck, don't they?
<Lita quietly hides the megaphone in her lap under her skirt so that Mickey can't see it.>
Mickey: And those tomatoes, those stains will never come out. Hey, Evil Mike, what is that you and the Rimmers are eating?
EM: Tomato sammich--
Rimmer: By which he means… Uh… A sandwich with really thick ketchup, and no tomatoes at all, because we don't have tomatoes.
EM: Well, we did, but then--Ouch! Don't kick me under the table like that, Cave Rimmer! I know you're all uncivilized and barbaric and everything but--OUCH!!!
Mickey: <still hasn't caught on. He's probably a little stupid from the concussion.> So… you're just eating ketchup sammiches?
Rimmer: Um… yes.
Mickey: Ok. You know, I think it was the bottle that finished me off. Yeah, you don't come back from that. I wonder what bastard threw it. Who here would have access to a booze bottle?
Rick: I hope you're not planning to accuse me! Just because I'm a bartender, does not mean that I have access to a lot of liquor! So stop accusing me! I'M SICK OF ALL THESE ACCUSATIONS!!!1!!!11!1!
Mickey: I wasn't accusing you of anything, Rick. I think you're just swell. Out of all these people here, you're the only one who would never inflict violence on me. I trust you, Rick, like I've never trusted anybody else.
Rick: Oh… good. Because I didn't do it.
Mickey: I know. *smile*
Rick: You're not going to get all creepy on me, are you, Guy Dressed Like a Giant Pink Bunny?
Mickey: You know, it might just be the head injury talking but I think… squirrels… Monster truck! Weeee!!!
<And we lose Mickey again. He's passed out face down in a bowl of chowder. At least, we hope it's chowder. They really only serve mead and grog and ale at the Delta Knights secret hideout (not to mention tomatoes for throwing), so we don't know what's in that bowl. Maybe it would just be safer to assume it's chowder, and hope we're right. At least it's warm. Rimmer looks at Mickey.>
Rimmer: Hm. And we've got a brain injury.
<Everybody looks at Rimmer with concern.>
Rimmer: I mean he has a brain injury. I don't. I only said we in the sense that he belongs to our little club here, and so his brain injury affects all of us, as well as any plans we make in the future.
Everybody: <with relief> Oh...
Rimmer: Maybe we shouldn't let him drown.
Lita: Aw, he'll be all right. <She pulls his head out of the bowl and lets him slump back in his chair. He mumbles something about Rice Cap'n Crunch in his sleep> Eventually, anyway. So, Princess Athena...
Thena: You can call me Thena.
Lita: Thena... You said you'd help us get PM?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Bboard Messer Upper
thinks it's helpful to have at least one
incoherent cast member at all times.
Just look at PM.
He's got Buffalo.
#850
Nice try, Rimmer!
Date: 10/25/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[PM] It's a good thing that we moved the bar to North Mexisourisianakoda before the tree finished falling! HA!
[Nabut] Hold on. If MSTBlanca didn't get crushed, then why did Tork need to be rushed to the hospital?
[PM] Ah, that's easy! He ran out of the bar before we transported in order to avoid being crushed! Ironically, if he would have stayed put, he'd be fine now!
[Nabut] If you say so.
[Buffalo] Yeah man, but whut Ah'd lahk to knaow is whut's that thang o'er yonder a-twirlin' so?
[PM] Huh?
[Sam] He means, "what's that spinning wheel-thing that appeared out of thing air?".
[Buffalo] That's whut Ah sayid!
[PM] Hmmmm, I'm not sure. Let's check it out. [He pulls out a scanner-thingie and poins it at the spinning thing.] It appears to be ethereal in nature. No thermal or traditional radiation, but HUGE psychokinetic energy readings.
[Disembodied Voice] It's the Black Zodiac.
[PM] The what? Who said that?!?
[Disembodied Voice] I did. [A grisly-looking spectral woman appears.] I'm one of the 13 Other Ghosts. We were gonna let you wonder about our Black Zodiac wheel for awhile, but there's only so much technobabble we can stand to listen to.
[PM] Man, I thought we left you back in New Hampifornia!
[Ghost] You wish! You're stuck with us 'til we choose to leave! Which brings me to why I'm talking to you. I think it may be in your best interest to strike a deal with us.
[PM] Make a deal with you? What's in it for me?
[Ghost] Well for one, we won't trash your bar up. Too much. Most of the time. Secondly, you're more or less stuck with us, as I previously stated. Thirdly, we can serve as bouncers for you!
[PM] My establishment doesn't need bouncers! My clientelle are civilized, cultured and gentle!
[Nabut] When they're not blowing up the place.
[Nick] Or dropping trees on it.
[Sam] Or causing riots.
[Buffalo] Or vandalahzin' th' place!
[PM] Okay, okay, point made. But why are you so interested in teaming up with me?
[Ghost] 'Cause you're the villain of this story! DUH! We're evil, you're evil, it's a perfect match!
[PM] I am *not* evil! Yeah, I'm a Pulp Villain, but it's a perfectly respectable trade! I'm also a restaurant/pub owner, a good husband, and a conscientious, law-abiding citizen! Sure, I dabble in a little blackmail, and extortion, and grand larceny. Maybe I do perform ethically-questionable experiments on the occasional unwilling human subject, what of it? And okay, I attempt to take over the world every once in awhile. But I don't think that makes me evil, does it?
[PM looks expectantly at Nabut, Sam, Buffalo, Nick, and the Ghost. All of them sheepishly avoid his gaze through a moment of uncomfortable silence.]
[PM] Okay, so you got me; I'm evil. But that doesn't mean I should be willing to jump willy-nilly into an alliance with another evil group *just* because they're evil too. Give me a moment to think about it and discuss it with my henchmen, will you?
[Ghost] Take all the time you want. I'm not getting any older, but YOU are.
[PM pulls his henchmen to the side and confers with them.]
[PM] So, whaddya think? Can we trust 'em?
[Sam] I don't know, Big Daddy. They *are* evil ghosts, after all.
[Nick] It's not like we have a lot of choice, though. They're here for as long as they want to be.
[Sam] Yeah, but couldn't you whip something up in the Lab to put those turkeys on ice?
[Nabut] That hasn't worked so far. The Astral Static Generators I placed around the bar didn't do a thing to chase them off, and the ASGs are rated up to a class 7 poltergeist. Besides, I think the ghosts would make great bouncers.
[PM] It *would* save me a fortune in rooming and boarding the platoon of Shocktroopers I have working security now. And that's not even considering the alcohol they go through when they're off duty.
[Sam] Well, I still don't like it, but I'll go along with it if you say so, boss.
[PM] Oh, you're just jealous because you're not the only one who can turn invisible with them around. Okay, Buffalo, what's your opinion?
[Buffalo] Ah'm scayered of ghostses! They give me th' crawlin' heebe-jeebees!
[PM] It's settled, then! [To Ghost] Ms. Ghost, consider yourselves hired on!
[Ghost, smiling.] Call me Prima.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
For future reference, the 13 Other Ghosts' names are:
Prima
Duo
Trio
Quatre
Sanque
Seis
Siete
Octavia
Nona
Decimus
Eleven-Bob (hey, they can't all be clever foreign words for numbers)
Veintedos
Triskadeka
Hey, it beats "Ghost 1", "Ghost 2", etc.
Sarcophagus!
#851
Thena: Alright...
Date: 10/25/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
(Elevator muzak plays while response loads)
Thena: The first thing we need to do is figure out why your previous attempts at revenge haven't worked. Who's screwing up your attempts.
Lita and Rimmer (in unison): MICKEY!
Mickey (who's back to normal, but still a little stoopid): Now hold on, wait a minute. You can't compare me to any of you (poins at Rimmer and Cave Rimmer), there are 4 of you, (poins to Lita) And there's 18,002 of you. There's only one of me, baby. The only one.
Rimmer: Thankfully.
Lita: Yeah, but...
Mickey: Throw me out and I'll tell TDO he can come back into the story.
Lita and Rimmer (in unison) MICKEY STAYS!
Mickey: Well, what about Evil Mike? All he does is be evil and punch me. We don't really need that on the mission.
Lita: NO!!! I invited him.
(Evil Mike sticks his tongue out at Mickey in a taunting manner. He is evil.)
Cave Rimmer: What about cow? He's so small, I can't even get any meat off of him.
Lita: Ewwwwww!!!
Rimmer: You know, there's a certain bartender who might be working as a double agent for a certain PM...
Mickey: Who?
Rick: Uh-oh. Sweetheart, I swear, I'm not working for PM.
(Rimmer stares at Rick menacingly)
Rick: Well, right now anyway.
(Suddenly, Rick falls to the floor and starts twitching like he was electrocuted. Who keeps doing that?)
Rimmer: Well, it's settled. Rick goes.
Thena: Well, that's settled then.
Lita: Even though Rick just joined us, and thus was never there to screw up any of our plans before.
Rimmer: Yeah, but face it, Lita. He was just a throwaway character in this part of the story to begin with.
Evil Mike: It's for the best. Rimmer does have a poin with that "double agent" thing.
Mickey: Yeah...Mr. President, Carrot Top. You are now husband and wife (Don't ask. It was the stupidest thing I could come up with up.)
(A couple of Delta Knight guards load Rick onto a catapult. Soon, Rick flies through a hole in the ceiling)
Lita: Huh. How come I never noticed that hole before?
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
WHAT ABOUT THE PANCAKES?
#852
<Back at MSTBlanca...>
Date: 10/25/2001
From: Carmelita9000
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
<...Buffalo is on stage singing badly about being "Ahn Thu Ahiyr" when Rick interrupts the act by crashing through the ceiling and crushing him.>
PM: Oh, thank glod…
Rick: I'm back Boss!
Sam: Hey, Buffalo! Are you ok good buddy?
Buffalo: Ahm ahl raht. Lemme tell ya it tahks mohar thin ah crahzy bahrtahnder fahlan ahn me tah brangh me dahn.
PM: What did you just say?
Buffalo: I'm fine.
PM: Damn! Rick, where have you been?
Rick: Only at the worst restaurant in the world! I waited there for days, and they never brought me my egg-rolls! And after I slipped that Carmelita6969 lady 200 bucks!
PM: Lita 6969… Ok, I've had it… <He pulls out a remote>
Rick: Wait, no! What did I do?
<Too late. Shock to the shammies! Ouchie!>
==============================
<Back at the Delta Knights Secret Hideout, the construction of the Big Plan continues…>
Thena: Ok, now that that's taken care of, we just need to lead all our troops back to PM's bar, and show him who wears the pants around here.
Lita: <whispering to Rimmer> Hey! Why is she in charge all the sudden?
Rimmer: <whispering back to Lita> She's the princess.
Lita: I'm a princess too! Come on! I liked it when we two were in charge!
Rimmer: Hey, yeah! Me too! What's the deal?
Mickey: Shut up you stoopids! She's in charge of all the Delta Knights and stuff! They won't do what we say unless she's on our side!
Rimmer: I guess that makes sense.
Lita: *grumble* Fine. Whatever. But don't call me a stoopid again. You're just asking me to beat you up.
Mickey: The Bluebird of Happiness ate my sourcrout!
Thena: So where is MSTBlanca?
Evil Mike: Oh, boy. Here we go…
<Mickey pulls his map out of his pocket and poins to a spot.>
Mickey: Right here.
Lita: But it's moved since… <Lita looks at the map.> Oh. I guess you couldn't really say it wasn't there…
Thena: North Mexisourisianakoda. Ok. We can get there pretty quickly by horse. Let's go.
Lita: Horse? Wait a minute…
==============================
<Outside, everybody is saddling up. Except Lita. She's just kind of shuffling around.>
Rimmer: Lita, what are you waiting for? Get on your horse!
Cave Rimmer: Yes. Everybody is waiting for you.
Lita: Er… but you see… Uh…
Cow: <From Rimmer's saddlebag> Comoooe on! We're burning daylight!
Lita: Yeah… The thing is… well… I kind of have this problem with horses…
Rimmer: Oh, geez…
Lita: Ever since that incident with the pony when I was a kid…
Evil Mike: Just deal with it, all right?
Lita: And that time the horse stepped on my neighbor's foot, and his grandkids made me look at the bloody mess…
Rimmer: Suck it up, all right? Look, even Mickey can ride a horse, and he's all dumb!
Mickey: Do you admire my wall decoration?
Lita: And the time that other horse kicked my dad in the back and he had this horseshoe shaped bruise for weeks…
Cave Rimmer: Lita--
Lita: And the time I fed a horse an apple, just to be nice, and as I was walking away he sneezed, and I ended up with a bunch of brown horse snot all on my back…
Mickey: Oh, ick! Take a bath, will you?
Lita: It was years ago!
Mickey: Well, that's even worse, you filthy, filthy girl!
Rimmer: Look, will you feel better if you share a horse with somebody else?
Lita: I guess…
EM: Fine. Climb aboard.
<Lita gets on a horse behind Evil Mike. She holds on really tight, and for once it's for actual fear. The group sets off toward MSTBlanca. Lita tries as hard as she can to keep her eyes shut, and not look at what's going on around her. It's fortunate for her that Evil Mike is so darned trustworthy… hey wait…>
Thena: Well, this is where it points to on the Rabbit's map. Is this the place?
Rimmer: Yes. You can tell by the big flashing sign that says "MSTBlanca." Hey, wait… Head count. Is everybody here?
Cave Rimmer: Where are Evil Mike and Lita?
<They look all around, just about everybody is there, including a whole slew of Delta Knights, but no Evil Mike or Lita.>
Rimmer: Oh, now isn't that just typical!
Thena: They could be in danger!
Rimmer: I'll bet.
Mickey: I think the horsie likes me!
Lost Lita
Overuser of ellipses
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
wasn't kidding about her problems with horses.
They just don't like her.
#853
I'm gonna reply the HELL outta this post
Date: 10/27/2001
From: shecreature
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Saturday afternoon, I'm at work, and I'm bored. I've been capping most of the afternoon. I've always liked typing song lyrics, and since there are SEVERAL Monkees riffs in MST, I figured I'd type some lyrics to waste time, and I'll *still* be on topic...
Man Without a Dream
With the music of life my soul is out of tune
And I feel like I'm growing old much too soon
My love for you I just couldn't convey
And the keys to my happiness I let slip away
(chorus)
Now I'm a man without a dream
I've got a heart that has no home
All my senses are numb
Losing you I've become
A man without a dream
Instead of striving to reach my goals and my aims
I got distracted with mean endless games
For just an illusion I trades love that was real
Mow my eyes cannot see and my arms cannot feel
Now I'm a man without a dream
I've got a heart that has no home
All my senses are numb
Losing you I've become
A man without a dream
Sometimes I think I'm a prisoner of fate
Doomed to find out thing a little too late
And so I must play this broken man's role
Unless you come home girl, and bring back my soul
'Cause I'm a man without a dream
I've got a heart that has no home
All my senses are numb
Losing you I've become
A Man Without A Dream
~~~
This is a VERY beautiful song. If you want to here it, it can be found on thier Instant Replay Album.
shecreature
Sometimes I think I'm a prisoner of fate
Doomed to find out things a little too late
#854
Rimmer: So what happens now?
Date: 10/28/2001
From: Carmelita9000
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
<Thena and all the Delta Knights all pull out lots of cans of spray paint. Princess Thena sprays "Pharaoh Mobius is a great big jerk!" on the outside wall of MSTBlanca.>
Thena: See?
Rimmer: Graffiti? That's your great plan? Graffiti?
Thena: Now everybody who comes by the bar will see exactly what we think of PM! And at the rate things are going around here, it'll be days before he even notices what's going on. He'll lose business when all his potential customers see how awful he is. Here, there's lots of paint. There's enough for everybody.
Rimmer: <Takes a can> Fine. <She starts painting the wall.> How did I get mixed up in such a loser plan, anyway? This is somehow Lita's fault, I just know it.
<Before long everybody is spraying nasty comments about PM on the wall. Except for Mickey, he's spraying weird things like, "Let's ride the merry-go-round, Steve!" and, "I like mittens!" Then there's Carmelita 6969 (Yes, she did come along) who is painting something entirely different. But I'll leave that to your imagination. Presently, Rimmer wanders by to get more paint, and sees her mural.>
Rimmer: <turning a little red> Oh my…
Lita6969: Yes?
Rimmer: That's an… interesting bit of artistic creativity you've got going on there.
Lita6969: Yeah, I thought so.
Rimmer: <Still looking at 6969's artwork, she squints and turns her head sideways a little> Is it even possible for people to do that?
Lita6969: Let me tell you something, Honey, it's really fun trying.
Rimmer: Yes… well… I'm going to go over there for a while. <Rimmer walks away shaking her head> Wow…
=================================
<Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of a forest. (Didn't know MSTBlanca was right next door to a forest now, did you? Well, now you do.) Lita and Evil Mike are sitting in a clearing. The horse has wandered off somewhere.>
Lita: Evil Mike, where are we?
EM: Somewhere in the middle of a forest.
Lita: Where's the horse?
EM: Good question.
Lita: Are we lost?
EM: No.
Lita: Then where are the others?
EM: The others?
Lita: Yeah. You know. All those people we were hanging out with? How did we get separated from them?
EM: Er… Well… Actually, I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this… but…
Lita: What?
EM: The others… well… <A lightbulb goes on over Evil Mike's head, but since it's a figurative lightbulb, and not a real one, Lita doesn't notice.> The others are dead.
Lita: WHAT????
EM: Yep. All of them. They're all dead. It happened while you were too scared of the horse to open your eyes. It was horrible.
Lita: How did it happen?
EM: How? …well… uh… There was this bear, see? And he ate them all.
Lita: They were all eaten by a bear?
EM: Yeah. Every one of them. The bear was really, really hungry.
Lita: All the Delta Knights?
EM: Yep.
Lita: The Rimmers?
EM: Uh-huh.
Lita: PM and all his guys?
EM: Sure. Look, you do understand the meaning of "They're all dead," don't you?
Lita: Mickey?
EM: <narrows his eyes> Especially Mickey. Mickey was the first to go. Dressed like a rabbit and all. In fact, it was all Mickey's fault. He attracted the bear. Aw, geez Lita! Don't cry! You're lucky I so heroically saved your life!
Lita: But… They're dead! It's so sad… *sob*
EM: Yeah. It's a real tragedy, all right. But they wouldn't want you to be sad. They would want you to get on with your life. Don't you agree?
Lita: Well, I don't know how they would feel…
EM: You know what? You just need to get your mind off it all! And I know the perfect way!
Lita: What's that? <she sees the look on EM's face.> Oh… I get what you mean…
Lita
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
It's been a couple days.
We could use a new installment in the saga.
Next up: Nabut is sentenced to Tor-CHA!
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